


Snape's Worst Memory(?)

by stereokem



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Scene, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Crack, Crack, Gen, Humor, Minific, Occlumency, Size Kink, Snape's Worst Memory, say crack again
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-03
Updated: 2020-02-03
Packaged: 2021-02-28 00:40:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22544914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stereokem/pseuds/stereokem
Summary: Harry’s Occlumency lesson with Snape does not go well. Some things you just cannot unsee. (crackfic)
Relationships: Harry Potter & Severus Snape
Comments: 7
Kudos: 64





	Snape's Worst Memory(?)

**Author's Note:**

> I was just thinking that the scene of “Snape’s worst memory” would have been very different if Snape had a ginormous schlong. This idea partially comes from that one “Guys We Fucked” episode where the guest says he had to “grow into his dick” because it was huge when he was a teenager. The alternate title for this story was “Just a Shy Guy with a Big Dick”

_Harry watched with a sick feeling as his father—his own **father** — levitated a teenaged Snape several feet into the air. With a flick of his wand, James suspended Snape upside down, revealing skinny legs and a groin barely covered by grey underpants that had seen better days. _

_Ordinarily, Harry wouldn’t have missed a chance to see Snape so humiliated; however, he could not but gape at this young version of James as he exerted his cruel whims upon someone so helpless. Harry watched his father’s face as he laughed at the flailing figure in the air, keeping his wand held aloft._

_“Now, who wants to see me remove Snivellus’ . . .”_

_But, suddenly, the words died on James’ smug lips and all color completely drained from his face. Sirius had stopped laughing, Remus had stopped tutting, and Peter gave a small squeak as they all turned, first looking at James in confusion, and then up at Snape. Their expressions also took on an air of slack-jawed incredulity as they gazed up at the helpless figure above them. Even Lily was speechless, her face having turned an alarming shade of red._

_Harry turned to look back as well--- and saw, almost immediately, what had given everyone pause._

_Honestly, once you saw it, it was hard to miss._

_“Oh my,” said Remus softly._

_“No fucking way,” Sirius said faintly, gobsmacked._

_James continued to stare, incredulous. Lily covered her face with her hands._

_Snape was continuing to flail, trying to free himself from the levitation charm that left him so embarrassingly exposed. The charm appeared to be holding him by one ankle, and he kicked the other one ineffectually. The movement of his one free leg drew more attention to his unfortunate underpants . . . and the not-so-unfortunate thing they covered._

_Harry felt his own jaw drop._

Suddenly, with sharp pull behind the back of his neck, Harry felt himself being yanked out of the Pensieve. He landed hard on the floor of Snape’s office, a yelp escaping him. He barely had time to gather his senses before the dark figure of Snape was looming over him, fists clenched at his sides.

_“POTTER.”_

Harry had never heard his own name sound so much like premeditated murder. Nor heard someone speak so thunderously without shouting. It should have sent a chill up his spine, but he was still reeling. His mouth was still agape, and he felt like he couldn’t close it.

He looked up into Snape’s face. His angular features were twisted in an ugly kind of anger; he was more furious than Harry had ever seen him, and it would have struck fear into Harry’s heart had the tops of Snape’s sallow cheeks not also been glowing a faint pink.

Harry couldn’t help it. He looked into the black folds of Snape’s robes where he imagined Snape’s crotch might be. The memory from the Pensieve flashed before him. He felt his own face renew its flush.

 _“Potter.”_ In addition to pure hatred, there was a desperate edge in Snape’s voice now. As if trying to draw his attention away without explicitly saying it.

But Harry barely heard it. He continued to stare into the dark abyss of Snape’s robes.

“Stop that, this instant.”

The black fabric shifted as Snape moved, almost hypnotic.

“For Merlin’s sake, look at my damned face!”

With more dazed obedience than actual willpower, Harry did so.

The faint pink in Snape’s cheeks had now bloomed to a full, unambiguous blush that crept down Snape’s neck and disappeared into his high collar. He looked homicidal and mortified and distinctly uncomfortable all in one. It was not a pleasant expression.

After a moment of them staring at one another, Snape finally stepped back and said in a low, deadly voice:

“Get. Out.”

Harry fled.

* * *

Later that evening, as Harry sat by the fire in the Gryffindor common room, Ron and Hermione tried to wheedle details out of him.

“What do you mean, he just kicked you out?” Hermione asked, confused and concerned. “He wouldn’t just _do_ that. Dumbledore _ordered_ him to give you lessons.”

“He totally would,” Ron interjected. “He’s a right bastard like that.”

“Ronald!”

It went on this way for at least an hour, with Hermione needling and Ron unhelpfully offering his own commentary whilst Harry remained mostly silent, staring into the fire as if in shock. He couldn’t say anything. They wouldn’t believe him. He wasn’t sure he believed himself.

It was only later, after Hermione and Ron had both eventually given up and gone off to bed that Harry allowed himself to revisit the memory he had seen in the Penseive, trying to make sense of it.

The memory could have been manipulated. Harry didn’t know how all that worked, but he reasoned that it was possible, and might have relieved some of the humiliation of the memory—but then why not just change it altogether? Why change that one small detail?

 ** _Not_** _small_ , Harry thought before he could help it. That _detail_ as it were, had effectively put a stop to the bullying in that instance. But it still made no sense. And Snape’s reaction. Harry thought back to the look on Professor Snape’s face. He had been so . . . _embarrassed_.

Harry shook his head slowly. No. There was no getting around it.

Professor Snape was hung like a bloody hippogriff.


End file.
